Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
