if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
