hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And then he peed in my hair
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