New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
