Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
two words: eviction party
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
