I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
