I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
