I bet he comes in French.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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