i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
