Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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