yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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