Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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