I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
