just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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