he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
