I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
