Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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