drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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