So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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