Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
