Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
