Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
