4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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