i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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