I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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