I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
