Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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