I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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