I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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