I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
