her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
