spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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