I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
