I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
