the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
