DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
