During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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