If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
