Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
