Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
