Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The Olympian is in my bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
