this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My ass is underappreciated
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
