She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
