First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
4 words: hood of his car
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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