U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
