Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
