I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
