Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
