You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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