My first STD was from a foam party
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
