no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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