I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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