so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
