Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
