I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
