They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Floor bacon is actually really good
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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