guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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