booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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