Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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