while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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