I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
