There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
