the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
