i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
