Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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