sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she smelled like a LAN party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
