something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
that is very illegal...i love you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
