he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
