I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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