Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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