Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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