i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
