Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
