my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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